Scattered Ashes

I’m not sure how common it is, but based on the stereotype portrayed by the collective unconscious, I believe most children tend to have imaginary friends during certain stages of their childhood. In my case, my imaginary friend was God. Being the solitary child I was, I used to walk in the park and have long conversations with Him (years later, when I finally watched “Fiddler on the Roof”, I could not help smiling while I listened to Tevye’s monologues with God). My dialogues concluded after my first communion. The ceremony was supposed to bring us “closer” to God, which, I assumed, meant I would finally be able to see Him, and get a response from Him. In the absence of a response, my disappointment led to an abrupt ending of my dialogues.

I suppose, however, that I must have gotten used to putting my thoughts into words, because thereafter, I simply started talking to myself. That did not last much, as my monologues began to grow quiet with the passing of time. Since then, silence and solitude have been inseparable.

Following Epicurus' example, I periodically retreat to my "Garden", which is nothing but a place in my mind. There, I commune with my Chimeras and assemble my Ashes. It is the closer I ever get to being Home.